You Can Let Go Now…

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Sometimes, even though you have told yourself a thousand times that you’re OK, grief still gets you from time to time. Last Saturday my sister asked me to think of the words to be put on Papa’s tombstone and again, I was reminded of the truth that Papa is no longer around. How I wish I didn’t have to do it but I know I have to. So, I came up with this:

In memory of a friend, brother, father and husband whose love lives…

Although we don’t talk much about it, I know that my family is going through the same pain and sorrow that I am also trying to overcome. But I know we will all be better in time.

I know Papa didn’t let go until he was quite sure that we will be OK.

When our youngest brother was still around 12 years old, Papa suffered a severe stroke due to hypertension. Since then, he’s been trying to survive each day given the challenges that stroke has caused him. Papa was a fighter! Even when everyone was saying that he can’t make it, he proved them wrong with his surprising recovery – from being bed-ridden he slowly recovered and the next thing we knew he can walk again. Although it was not a “back-to-normal” thing, still he showed us that he will never give up on us.

We know that it was not easy for Papa. We know it was really difficult for him. But he still remained jovial. He may get irritable at times but he remained strong.

Last August 2010, a lot of happy things happened – Papa’s 67th birthday (20th), my brother’s 21st birthday (8th), my nephew’s 1st birthday (28th) and also the month that we learned that my brother successfully passed the Nursing Board Exam (28th). Everybody was just so happy. I was glad I came home that time to witness everything. I was glad I saw him so happy. He was losing in his attempt to hide his tears that time. I know he was so proud of my brother. Finally, all his children have finished school. I headed back to Manila feeling so happy and full of promises.

September 10, 2010, barely two-weeks since I left home, Papa bid goodbye. It seemed like he just waited for all of us to be OK before he finally rest. I know I have no right to complain but it hurts to know that I still have a lot of things planned for him. After all the things he have done for us, I felt like I haven’t done a thing to give it back to him. I felt like I wasn’t given enough time to provide the things he has forgone and sacrificed because of us, his children. He has always been selfless.

And even up to his last moment, he thought of us.

We knew it’s time for him to let go. And when he finally did, we took comfort in the thought that his suffering has ended. I fondly picture him back in his prime when he can walk normally, talk and laugh endlessly and toy with everyone – now in a happier place.

Now that he’s gone. Now that he has let go. I guess, we should also learn to finally let go as well.

Again,

In memory of a friend, brother, father and husband whose love lives…

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2 responses »

  1. miss u papa..love you so much….i envy u con that u still saw papa alive that time.i saw How i wish I was there…ako ra jud ang wala sa balay last aug 2010..i really regretted that moment..

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