Not the Man of My Dreams.

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You are not the man of my dreams. 

I never dreamt about you nor have I taken a glimpse of you in my subconscious. 

But there you are. 

You appeared with no warning signs. 
You are not the man of my dreams because nothing could ever be more REAL than the feeling you gave me.

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Random Thought. Part 1.

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We plan our lives and make choices, more or less, and the daily emotions – happiness or sadness – that we go through are basically based on the outcome of the plans we set for ourselves and the choices we make.

We become ecstatic when things go our way. We become maudlin when they don’t. And this emotional pendulum goes on day in and day out.

Perhaps, this comes from the innate desire to control things. And no matter how spontaneous you claim yourself to be, there is still that minuscule yet strong desire to be in control that cannot be gainsaid.

We love to think that we have the free will to do things. The idea of self-determination wheedles us to make plans and decisions for ourselves and that’s good, but the same idea makes us unkind to ourselves.

You didn’t pass the exam? You didn’t get your dream job? Your romantic relationship ended? You made the wrong turn? You poured coffee on your favorite shirt? Your client did not like your presentation? You made a mistake? So what?

When things go “horribly” wrong we start being hard on ourselves. We blame ourselves. We get stressed and depressed. We hate ourselves. We forget to be kind to ourselves. We forget about all the efforts we made. We discredit ourselves.

Yes, we all have the ability to act at our own discretion but we also have to open our minds to the idea that things happen for a reason – the idea of fate. There are times that we are not in control and though we might not like the idea, this happens ALL the time.

You didn’t pass the exam? Maybe it was not meant to be. You didn’t get your dream job?  Maybe it was not meant to be. Your romantic relationship ended? Maybe it was not meant to be. You made the wrong turn? Maybe it was meant to be. You poured coffee on your favorite shirt? Maybe it was meant to be. Your client did not like your presentation? Maybe it was meant to be. You made a mistake? Maybe it was meant to be.

Let’s enjoy the euphoria of our successes, of the plans and dreams that came true BUT we should never wallow on our defeats and mistakes. In this life, some of the people we will meet will be unkind to us. Let them be. But we should always remember to be kind to ourselves. Afterall, we only have ourselves in the end.

Time.

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Time, they say, is a tricky thing.

It’s too fast for someone running late, too slow for someone waiting.

Time is too short for those who are happy, too long for those who are grieving.

It’s an ally for the victorious, a villain to the ones suffering defeat.

It sashays when you look forward, but dashes when you look back.

Time promises the young and betrays the old.

But time can be everything you want and even more if you spend it on things that matter and on people you truly love.

Spend time wisely.

Because time is a tricky thing. You think you have it but you don’t.

Someone Better.

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Thank all your past lovers and all your wrong relationships because they will bring you to the person who’s right for you. Do not hate your almost lovers because they will lead you to the person who will make you understand why they will never be the one. Never detest the bad relationships you had because they will eventually help you choose the relationship you really deserve.

Take all the lessons you can get from the experience. It won’t be easy but you will be rewarded with someone stonger and better in every way – yourself.

Extra.

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Of course, he will tell you he’s unhappy with his marriage. He’d tell you how unfair his wife is. But those are just stories he uses to make you believe that his happiness is now your responsibility –  making you feeling guilty every time you think of leaving. So, it goes on and on.
Stop. Just stop.

  

Ex Post. 

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For you my dear friend.

You’re in pain.

The relationship which you hoped and wished to last forever just ended. You’re devasted and the pain in your heart is making its way all through out your body- invading your entire system like a traitor. You ache deeply. Emotionally and physically.

You’re grieving.

You felt like you’ve cried your heart and the rest of your internal organs out but still more sneaky tears are finding their way out your already swollen eyes.

You’re tired.

You start thinking this can’t go on forever. You fake the most painful smile ever and you try to regain control of your self. You try. Sometimes you succeed but too often you lose the struggle of getting your life back to normal.

You’re ok.

You realize you’re not still dead after all the agony you went through. You look at yourself in the mirror and you sigh a sigh of relief. Your smile is less painful and the world has regained color.

You’re moving on.
Slowly. Taking one careful step over the other you brave through every single day. You learned a new hobby. You found a new favorite song. You’re laughing again. You have forgiven yourself.

You’re alone.

But no longer lonely. You spend time with yourself and enjoy evey minute of it. You thought of how you’ve missed on the beauty of alone time. Alone time is wonderful.

You’re ready.

To fall in love again.

Mama.

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It has been a very long while since my last post and I can not say that this is my comeback, but for today I will write.

I will write about this strong woman who braved through life carrying the responsibilities of being a mother to quite a handful family and a provider to four children who have way too different antics and too many shenanigans.

I will write about a disciplinarian often viewed as a villain in the eyes of her very own kids too eager to grow up, who wanted to do pretty much everything, thinking they already know what they’re really doing in life.

I am writing about you Ma.

I can not imagine how you managed to survive through all those years providing each and every single thing we need. It may not be as grand as other people would think but it was enough to raise us and to get us where we are now.

Yes, Papa was there for you. Despite ugly arguments and squabbles you two made it work. And together you made a slow dance out of the tumultous challenges that life has thrown your way.

Ma, all I really want to say is you did a great job. Your strength, bravery and a great dose of strict discipline formed a map for us, to guide us in our turn to figure out life for what it really is.

Thank you, Ma.

If… :)

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“If I am to be fallen into love, I will. And if as a result I will appear to be stupid, disillusioned, and of poor judgment, I will. And I would be damned if I cared what other people think. For I would rather be thought of as all of these things, than not love. If in loving, I become the naked woman on the horse, I will ride that horse with my head held high. This is my spirit. I am unbreakable.”
― C. JoyBell C.

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